I recently spoke with a close friend who in my opinion is attractive, slim and very feminine, not over 8 stone and about 5 foot tall.  Given the latter, I was surprised when the conversation turned to some very substantial worries that were setting in for her around her ‘big manly shoulders,’ ‘wide hips’ and ‘masculine gait.’  She was convinced that most people, particularly her new boyfriend, both noticed and held negative judgements about all of these supposedly obvious traits of hers.

Of course, she is not the only one whose mirror image seems to reflect back something quite extraordinary.  Many of us at some point in our lives (or indeed, throughout our lives) see something in our reflection which does not at all match what others say or feel about us.  It can be difficult to determine what the reality is, as well as the extent to which it should ‘matter.’

According to the NHS, Body Dysmorphia (or BDD) affects about 1% of the UK population.  I would argue that this figure is substantially higher.  Many people stay quiet about their insecurities, often afraid that if they voice them, they’ll somehow become more noticeable.

BDD is not a question of vanity, but of deep insecurity and a yearning or need for perfection which can never be achieved.  It is a sense that we can never be good enough for ourselves, and somehow it is all our own fault.

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What exactly is BDD? 

Body Dysmorphic Disorder is the name for the destructive pattern of thinking that attacks us when we look in the mirror, compare ourselves to others (particularly the perfect images we see in the media), and pay heed to the voice that lives inside our head, constantly claiming to feel too fat, too wide, too old, too young, too bony, too lopsided or just not good enough.  It often sets in during adolescence and can affect us throughout our lives, particularly during times of change in our outer worlds.

Officially, BDD is:  “An anxiety disorder that causes sufferers to spend a lot of time worrying about their appearance and to have a distorted view of how they look.  For example, a barely visible scar can seem like a major flaw.”

What happens to those who suffer? 

For many, symptoms of BDD are minor and may only cause problems from time to time.  Other sufferers of BDD develop habits and characteristics designed to cover up the perceived ‘defects,’ which over time can be comparable to symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  Others may develop severe depression and problems in relationships, perhaps needing reassurance from the partner which somehow never quite lands.  Some end up in psychiatric care, convinced they are unacceptable and would be happy if only they looked different.

How can things improve?

Healing from symptoms of body dysmorphia can be very difficult, especially if you have no support.  There is a need to identify where destructive patterns of thinking originate, to understand your perception of ‘truth,’ and to work out how to put new thought patterns into place, in a way that makes sense for you as an individual.

You must also forgive yourself for your own perceived shortcomings, and learn to love yourself regardless of how you look or feel.  This means changing the habit of turning your back on yourself and succumbing to negative judgements!  If you can do the latter, you will realise that everything we or others see on the surface is just transitory and is so for a reason; what really matters is what is hidden to the eye.

If you would like help with identifying and tackling the symptoms of body dysmorphia as well as learning to love yourself just as you are (cue Bridget Jones), you may find counselling helpful.  Contact searchingforself@hotmail.com or get in touch with Jeni on 07586 444941 for more details.